xkcd.WTF!?

Explanation ➲

Hairy and Cueball are sitting at a table with drinks. Hairy tells Cueball that he's learned some pickup artist tricks. Cueball is appalled, declaring that pickup artists are "dehumanizing creeps" (given Cueball's standard role in the comics, it's likely Cueball is expressing Randall's opinion here). Hairy argues that he's simply learning new tactics such as "negging" (undercutting the target's self-esteem so that she'll feel vulnerable and crave approval), evidently oblivious to the fact that he's proving Cueball's point. Rejecting Cueball's advice to simply talk to women "like a fucking human being", Hairy sets off to try out the technique.

Meanwhile, Black Hat and Danish are sitting at another table. Black Hat, being a classhole, leaves to roll a bowling ball through the restroom stalls to hit the feet of anyone there using them. In North America, public restrooms usually have a 1-foot (30 cm) gap between the floor and the bottom of the stall dividers. As people sit down to use a stall most of the time, their feet would be vulnerable to being hit in sequence. Perhaps Black Hat is going for a 'strike'. Hairy approaches Danish, while Cueball looks on and says "oh no" — seemingly recognizing Danish and anticipating the disaster Hairy is walking into, or perhaps simply not wanting Hairy to use his tricks on anyone.

Hairy makes an attempt at "negging" by suggesting that Danish's fruit plate reflects a need to lose weight. Danish, naturally being a master at psychological manipulation, immediately realizes his game, and crushes him utterly by taking another shot in the psychological dark — telling him that he's trapped in an endless cycle of failure because he's ultimately a mediocre person and will never do anything of value with his life. Demoralized, Hairy declares that he needs to go home and think about his life; Danish tells him, "It won't help.” This may be a reference to the "deathsticks" scene in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Alternatively, it might mean that she considers Hairy's mediocrity as so persistent that even reflecting on what she said won't enable him to overcome it (Note that since Danish is 'negging', this might not even reflect Danish's *true* opinion on Hairy as a person at all -- she might just be reacting to what he replied in the most effective, i.e. in this situation, most lastingly soul-crushing, way). Lastly, another possible explanation of her reply might be that once Black Hat discovers his shenanigans, Hairy might not have much more life to rethink.

The title text refers to Michael Jordan, a very popular and accomplished basketball player who played for the Chicago Bulls and the Washington Wizards. His name is often used as a noun to denote that someone is the best in their field, which is later used in 1120: Blurring the Line.

The pick up subject and Hairy returned in 1178: Pickup Artists, where he tries to improve his skills (which he must have felt he needed after this experience), by hanging out with other pickup artists, thus the plural version of the comic title. This comic is one of a small set of comics with the same or almost the same title as another comic (only plural form of artist the difference).