xkcd.WTF!?

Explanation ➲

Randall has written a song called Every Major's Terrible and this comic illustrates the song. In this song the term Major refers to the US version of an academic major. The point of the song is that it makes no sense to pick any major since they are all terrible!

The header notes that the song is written to the tune of the satirical Major-General's Song from Gilbert and Sullivan's 1879 comic opera The Pirates of Penzance. The song satirizes the idea of the "modern" educated British Army officer of the latter 19th century. Major general is a military rank in the United Kingdom and many other countries. The meter in the Major-General's Song is iambic octameter, which means that in each line there are eight iambs, where an iamb is two syllables in an unstressed-stressed pattern. Therefore, each line contains 16 syllables.

The panels show Randall's rewritten lyrics to the song. Below each of the three verses are described in detail (go to Verse 1, Verse 2 or Verse 3). Each verse ends with "Just put me down as 'Undecided' - Every Major's Terrible", which gives the song its name — and "Major's Terrible" is similar enough to "Major General", the corresponding lyrics in the original version, to serve as a callback. The last line of the first verse in each song goes as follows:

• Original: I am the very model of a modern Major-General
• Randall's: Just put me down as undecided- every major's terrible

The lyrics are commonly rewritten, the most famous rewrite likely being The Elements (song) by Tom Lehrer which is also mentioned below the main header. This song is also available on-line.

His last suggestion, "Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious", from Mary Poppins, is another fast-paced patter-song with a somewhat similar tune, though it doesn't fit quite so well, and the match falls apart at the end of the fourth line, when the "Um-diddly"s start up — still, it's better than nothing.

There are at least two performances of this xkcd song online where the transcription is shown to make it easier to understand the text:

• A video with each major acted out by the SFU Choir - Every Major's Terrible.
• A solo with piano: Every Major's Terrible' by Ben Miller.
  • See also this article Xkcd's 'Every Major's Terrible' Is Now A Real Song.

Regarding the title text: "Undeclared" is sometimes called "General Studies". Most U.S. universities will not let you get a degree in this, let alone an advanced degree such as a Ph.D. Also, it should probably be noted that this song refers to U.S.-like university systems, in other countries, one will study little to nothing outside your major, making it more-or-less impossible to be undecided as to major.

It should also be noted that the title text fits the cadence of the first line of the song, possibly teasing a fourth verse. As to what that consists of, only Randall knows.

Verse 1

Panel 1, Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality

Cueball is posing as Rodin's The Thinker, a common symbol for philosophy. The equation in the background (two plus light bulb equals sailboat) is nonsense, hence "math sans rigor, sense or practicality" (sans meaning without).

Panel 2, And math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.

A cannon is firing. However, instead of going in the normal parabolic arc (a precept of reality and thus physics), the cannonball splits and splits again, so that it looks like a bifurcation diagram from chaos theory. The dashed line indicates the cannonball's trajectory, which bifurcates twice, although the sum of the momentums of the four resulting (1/4 sized?) cannonballs is presumably mathematically identical to the original.

Panel 3, A business major's just a thing you get so you can graduate

Business is the most common major, often seen as a practical choice applicable to a wide variety of careers, or, as the comic illustrates, preferred by those who just want an easy way to graduate. Cueball gets his diploma and runs away from the dean on the podium while shedding both his robe and his square academic cap (or Mortarboard).

Panel 4, And chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.

Stamp collecting refers to the famous quote by Ernest Rutherford, "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." Methyl acetate is a solvent that for instance can be used to remove stamps from their envelope (although water will do the same). The stamps in the background form the periodic table of the chemical elements. And since chemistry is not physics, according to the quote, chemists must be stamp collectors. Ponytail is depicted wearing googles, holding an Erlenmeyer flask, and dizzy from being high on methylacetate.

Panels 5 and 6, Why anyone who wants a job would study lit's a mystery, Unless their only other choice were something like art history.

These lines, both sung by Cueball, refer to subjects where a majority of graduates will end up unemployed or eventually working in a field outside their majors. Topics such as Literature or Art History are often and historically said to be in this category — although from actual statistics, it is clear that there are far worse majors these days.

Panels 7 and 8, A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve, A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave

Here Cueball first has a major in Communications and next he is seen underwater with a basket. Underwater basket weaving is a commonly used metaphor for any college major that is easy and/or worthless. "Communications" is a major chosen by people interested in news broadcasting or other media. Note that, if following the original music exactly, the line "A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave." will be repeated three times by the chorus after these panels.

Panel 9, I'd rather eat a Fowler's toad than major in biology,

We see Cueball holding a frog out in front of him while taking his hand to his head (in disgust?). A Fowler's toad is a relatively common toad in the eastern US, and a stereotype of studying biology is a frog dissection, which is likely part of the reference, albeit oblique. Fowler's Toad emits a noxious secretion that irritates skin and thus probably also the mucous membranes in the mouth. It would thus be rather painful to eat, making it very bad for Cueball to major in biology since he would rather eat such a toad.

Panel 10, And social psych is worse than either psych or sociology.

Social psychology is compared to sociology (study of humans in society) and psychology (study of human minds). Psychology is represented by a serial killer with a chainsaw, and sociology is represented by a zombie. These are to the left of Megan. To her right is a zombie serial killer with chainsaw. She is standing between them undecided as to take one, the other or both. They are all terrible options...

Panels 11 and 12, The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable, Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

End of the first verse where Cueball tells his academic advisor that he is undecided as every major's terrible. He even throws away his study guide. Every verse ends with some variation of this couplet, and in the original tune, each of these couplets are repeated by the chorus afterwards.

Unbearable and terrible rhyme for people who have the Mary-merry merger.

Verse 2

Panel 13, Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in seismology,

Prognosticate means "to predict". This refers to the inability of seismology to reliably predict catastrophic earthquakes, even after centuries of extensive research. The panel shows seismic waves from a seismograph. The seismograph chart has four traces and about halfway across one trace begins oscillating vigorously indicating an earthquake. Five months after this comic was published several seismologists in Italy were convicted of crimes that effectively stemmed from an inability to predict an earthquake. This does not go down well for the message of this panel... Their conviction was overturned on appeal in 2014.

Panel 14, But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to theology.

The bearded theologist represents Theology by stating the formal logic proposition shown in the illustration: "X ∴ ∃X". This says "I can describe this thing called X, therefore X exists". (However, it might not be syntactically correct, since "X" is not a formula, and there are no free variable(s) after the ∃.) This is what Anselm’s ontological argument for God boils down to. Briefly, it asks you to imagine the best possible entity, which, by definition, would be God. A God which exists in both reality and imagination would (according to Anselm) be greater than one who exists in merely the latter. Therefore, this proposition concludes that God exists. The argument has many fatal flaws, and has been largely rejected even by theists. (See 1505: Ontological Argument.) The same can be said for any of the so-called proofs of God that have been developed over the past several thousand years, making Theology decidedly non-rigorous.

Panel 15, CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.

"CS" is short for "Computer Science." Most programming languages use parentheses as part of their syntax, and often have multiply-nested parenthetical expressions. This is especially true of Lisp. It is often difficult for a programmer to determine where the unbalanced parenthesis begins or ends when the code and parentheses are not properly formatted and indented. In the panel there is one more left "(" parenthesis (13) than right ")" or close-paren (12). Unpaired parentheses were also discussed in comic 859.

Panel 16, Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.

Virology is the study of infectious diseases. The green symbol above the central figure is the biohazard symbol, implying that people who study infectious diseases, and are therefore located near them at some points in time, will be shunned like the plague, because they're probably carrying it. Thus no hugs to Megan as three Cueballs and Ponytail lean back away from her.

Panel 17, I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.

"I.T." is short for "Information Technology", a degree for people who maintain computer systems. If there is a need for an I.T. position (in which I.T. professionals are employed) there are computers which need fixing — hence the I.T. Professional is always fixing (or fighting) computers, which may or may not have been"broken" by certain users. In the panel Megan, wielding an axe, is in a real fight with a PC.

Panel 18, As Pratchett said, "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."

This is a slightly amended quote from Discworld author Terry Pratchett, from his book "Feet of Clay". The actual quote is "Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it." But the meaning is the same, that physics also describes geography - a similar quote to the one about physics vs. stamp collections mentioned under panel 4.

Panel 19, Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,

Richard Feynman was a 20th-century Nobel-laureate physicist known for his great sense of humor, including being photographed for one of his books while holding a bongo drum. Here he is depicted with the drum and with both a blond woman and Megan looking admiringly upon him. Feynman made physics seem cool, and many a young fan might choose the subject in the hope of obtaining a Feynman-like career. This is, however, very unlikely for most people as is also shown in the next panel.

Panel 20, The wiki page for "Physics major" redirects to "Engineer."

A redirect on Wikipedia is a page which immediately sends the visitor to a different page. This implies that the title of the first is either a synonym or a sub-topic of the second. Physics majors usually learn to code, and the standard joke is that they invariably get hired as computer programmers after graduation, but here in this comic they get hired as engineers. This relates back to the previous panel, as it is here shown that most of those that major in physics end up as engineers and not like Feynman. The Wikipedia page physics major didn't actually exist when this comic was published. It was created the same day, but as a redirect to physics education. It is such a redirect page that is shown in the panel. In the subsequent days, there were dozens of instances of people changing it to redirect to engineer, usually reverted within minutes. The redirect page was fully protected and locked for editing. As with the underwater basket-weaving line in the first verse, after the soloist sings this, the line would be repeated three times by the chorus.

Panels 21 and 22, They say to study history or find yourself repeating it, But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.

This uses a version of a quote by George Santayana (although often attributed to others as well), Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it as a reason to study history — only to be followed by an indication that by studying history as a major, you will only be prepared to become a history teacher, and you will then spend the rest of your life teaching history. The first panel shows a flow chart that will lead you to repeat your sad past if you cannot remember it, and only move on to happier times if you can. In the next panel we see a Hairbun as a history teacher, with glasses and her gray hair tied up in a bun, standing in front of a green blackboard with three important years for her current history class.

One connection between these years could be pivotal points in Jewish history concerning the formation of nationality: the Nurenberg Laws of 1935 removing citizenship from Jews in Germany, Israel's claims on Jerusalem, and the UN Security Council's condemnation of the treatment of Palestines by Israel.

A more lighthearted connection, more in line with the message of learning from history, is the collapse of three notable communications towers: the wooden radio tower in Langenberg in 1935 (by tornado), a TV mast at Emley Moor in 1969 (due to ice build-up), and the Warsaw radio mast in 1991 (due to construction errors). This demonstrates various attempts and failures to learn from engineering mistakes from the past, connecting this with the earlier mentioning of physicists becoming engineers, and perhaps not taking real-world practical considerations into account (such as storms or ice build-up).

Of course, in practice, with a narrow enough subject, there are likely to be many more examples fitting these three years. The two examples above were from general world history.

Panels 23 and 24, I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable, But put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible.

End of the second verse where Cueball again talks to his academic advisor saying that he is undecided. In the last of the two panel he says almost the same as at the end of the first verse. In the first, however, he mentioned his "four-year plan" which is the list of all the courses a student plans to include in their degree program. If you change majors every semester, or do not decide on one until too late, this list gets really difficult to turn into any one degree. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus afterwards.

Verse 3

Panel 25, Astronomers all cringe when they hear "supermoon" or "zodiac".

Supermoon is a term invented by astrologers in the 1970s, with no significance in astronomy other than being the co-occurrence of orbital perigee and full-moon. But it comes up often in the press, linked to supernatural behavior. That also Randall dislikes seems realistic and he also "mocked" the term soon after in 1080: Visual Field and then finally confirmed what he thought about the term directly when he published 1394: Superm*n. This was the first comic referencing supermoon, here is a list of all such comics. The zodiac is the circular band in the sky containing the apparent path of the sun, moon and planets. Most often when people talk about it, they're referring to astrology and horoscopes and other pseudo-scientific notions which often lead to conversations which are frustrating to astronomers, like the bald, bearded one (Phil Plait?) from the panel.

Panel 26, Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.

Agronomy is the science of farming, while agoraphobia is the fear of wide open spaces. Fields, where most farming happens, are wide open spaces. In the panel an anxious Cueball is standing near a fence on an open field with a tractor. Presumably he may be OK inside the tractor, but once he gets outside he becomes anxious.

Panel 27, I'm too ophiophobic to consider herpetology,

Herpetology is the study of reptiles and amphibians, while ophiophobia is the fear of snakes (a reptile). The panel shows sweating Cueball holding his hands to his mouth while looking at a green snake asking for his love? It is possible that Cueball is afraid of the snake, who is harmless and just wants to be friends.

Panel 28, And I can't stomach any part of gastroenterology.

As the pun suggests, gastroenterology is the study of the human digestive system and the image shows the human stomach. To not be able to stomach something means you can't stand or tolerate this thing.

Panel 29, While pre-med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,

Pre-med (pre-medical) is a major chosen by students hoping to go on to medical school to study medicine and eventually become doctors. Medical school is extremely competitive and usually requires a very high undergraduate GPA for prospective students. Hence we see a pre-med student holding all his grades.

Panel 30, a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.

The text is in all lower-case, a different font and strangely laid out compared to the text in all the other panels. All-lower-case and "free" layout are both associated with 20th century "Modernist" poetry, especially the works of E. E. Cummings. Ponytail is actually reciting this line of the song.

Panels 31 and 32, TV's behind the rush into forensic criminology, (Or so claims meta-academic epidemiology).

This refers to how forensic-criminology shows, specifically CSI: Miami (Crime Scene Investigation: Miami) as shown on the TV screen in both panels, often dramatize, exaggerate or otherwise confuse the science behind forensics; this gives people unrealistically glamorous views of the career, thus encouraging them to join it. Epidemiology is the study of causes and effects of events and trends. We see a pipe smoking epidemiologist standing with Ponytail and watching CSI - presumably making wild claims on cause and effect based only on what they see on TV. This is, again, the point where the chorus joins in three times, as in the previous two verses.

Panels 33 and 34, By dubbing econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate; The "dismal"'s fine - it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.

"Econ" is short for "economics". Thomas Carlyle declared economics "the dismal science" in the Victorian era as a derogatory alternative name. Economists often claim that economics is a science like any other; however, as the predictive powers of all economic theories are exceedingly weak compared to those of any science, this is disputed by those outside the field at times. It is of course also disputed by this song, in which Cueball "clearly" (see below) states that economics should not call itself a science - that is the dismal science is not derogatory enough for him.

• The above sentences can be tricky to understand due to the combination of vocabulary used and atypical word order (the former is in object-subject-verb). Here is some help in understanding them:
  • Dubbing something means giving it a nickname.
  • Dismal science means (in this context) the disappointingly inadequate science.
  • Adherents means supporters.
  • Patently means in a clear and unambiguous manner
  • Prevaricate means to evade the truth.
• Using these meanings of the words the two sentences can be re-written as:
  • The people who give economics the nickname "the inadequate science" are exaggerating how bad it is;
  • The "inadequate" part is fine - it's "science" where they clearly are evading the truth.

That is, Cueball is saying that "inadequate science" is too nice of a term for economics, he thinks it's not even science at all.

Panel 35, In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.

Panel 36, Just put me down as "Undecided"—Every major's terrible!

End of the third verse, with yet another variant on the closing couplet. Choosing a major is compared to Sophie's Choice, which is any dilemma where choosing one cherished person or thing over the other will result in the death or destruction of the other, derived from the theme of the novel of the same name, which has also been turned into a romantic drama film. So Cueball tells the academic advisor that choosing any of the majors over any other is as horrible as to have to choose which cherished person should die to save the other. Although in his case, it is the other way around, since he thinks all choices suck. Again these lines would be repeated by the chorus.