xkcd.WTF!?

Explanation ➲

This chart is a visual representation of how worried people should be by various events in real life compared to the same events in movies, based on the likelihood of the event causing serious harm. In effect, it's poking fun at various cliches and the emphasis on dramatic flair, regardless of realism. The chart's Y-axis indicates how worrying an event is in real life (from "not very worried" to "very worried"), while its X-axis shows how worrying the event is in movies. Nine events are shown in the chart, all of them cliches in the medium of film:

• Spilling a drink on your shirt: In both real life and in movies, this just causes a stain and maybe a little embarrassment, with the worst case scenario of the shirt being expensive.
• Nosebleed: Nosebleeds are common in real life, as they can result from even a mild impact to the face, or even dried out sinuses. There are some conditions where nosebleeds can indicate something more serious (such as a stroke, or radiation poisoning), but those are vastly outnumbered by bleeds that are relatively harmless. Unless there's a reason to believe that a nosebleed is connected to something else, they rarely even require medical attention. Nosebleeds in movies are almost always a sign that something is seriously wrong - the common, mundane nosebleeds almost never come up.
• Breaking news: People in real life commonly don't pay much attention to the news at all, so many breaking stories go unnoticed until much later. Most breaking news stories are also about non-threatening events (e.g. presidential addresses) or events that are far removed from the viewer. However, in movies, "breaking news" broadcasts are almost always a means to introduce a significant plot element which directly impact the protagonists, and are usually very serious events, sometimes about the protagonist. XKCD has referenced news reports as foreshadowing before.
• Parking ticket: Tickets in movies are almost always ignored, but in real life, they are moderately worrying because they cost quite a bit of money and can tarnish your driving record.
• Persistent cough: In real life, coughing fits can be a sign of serious illness, and are worth having checked out, but the large majority of them indicate only minor and common illnesses. In movies, just like with nosebleeds, a persistent cough almost always indicates a potentially deadly disease.
• "We need to talk.": This phrase is a common, stereotypical lead-in to a serious conversation, usually about a couple's relationship status. In real life, as in the movies, prefacing a conversation with that phrase indicate that something serious, and possibly very upsetting, is about to be discussed. Such conversations are rarely deadly, but are often upsetting.
• Getting knocked out by a punch: In movies, a character who is knocked out by a punch always wakes up sometime later with no lasting effects, making it less cause for concern than a spilled drink. In real life, being rendered unconscious by a physical impact is extremely serious, it can result in a variety of permanent impacts, such as concussions, up to and including brain damage and even death.
• Chest wounds: The chart mentions wounds on both your right and left sides. In real life, a chest wound to either side is extremely worrying. But in movies, getting wounded on the right side of the chest will rarely deal lasting damage to the hero or primary villain, to show how badass they are. Wounds on the left side of the chest generally signify swift death. This is likely due to the common misconception that the heart is on the left side of the chest - it is actually in the center, with a slight tendency to the left. However, even left-side chest wounds in movies are apparently still less worrisome than coughs and nosebleeds. It must also be noted that the term "chest wound" is broader than what the author of the comic appears to mean. More narrow terms of "thoracic gunshot wound", "gunshot chest wound", "thoracic ballistic trauma" or "penetrating chest wound" (the latter is slightly broader and includes the damage inflicted by blades and other impaled objects) would be more appropriate because just a "chest wound" includes such insignificant events as minor skin cuts in the chest area.

The title text expands on the aforementioned breaking news reports. While already overly worrying whenever they occur in movies compared to real life, should the movie's news report cover an event at a hospital (usually an outbreak of some major disease) or a laboratory (a monster escaping, a toxic gas released, an explosion, etc.), these events are universally much more worrisome than any other type of news story since they are guaranteed to be important for the protagonists in short order. In real life, breaking news from such locations may be more likely to be serious, but are still very unlikely to impact the viewer directly.